The Truth About Bad Hairdressers

My fellow humans of the first world it's time to make a stand. Not against poverty, not against homophobia, not even against racism. It's time to rise up together and put a stop to bad hairdressers.

How many times are we going to walk into a barber, show them a photo of the exact haircut we want and then sit in complete silence while we watch Edward RetardHands completely fuck up even the simplest of requests.

 "What's that? You want short back and sides like Brad Pitt does? Too bad. You're looking like an escaped mental patient today." - Edward RetardHands right before he fucks up your life.

"What's that? You want short back and sides like Brad Pitt does? Too bad. You're looking like an escaped mental patient today." - Edward RetardHands right before he fucks up your life.

When you get a shit haircut, it's pretty easy to blame the dickhead behind you with more scissors than braincells.

But I've realized why there are so many shit hairdressers handing out shit haircuts like they were born to ruin lives.

WE STAY SILENT AND WE KEEP COMING BACK.

I've lost track of how many times I've sat down in the chair of my local $10 dollar barber, shown them a photo of what I want and then silently freaked the fuck out for twenty five minutes while the 65 year old italian man with nothing to lose shaves a reverse mohawk into my fucking skull.

 All I wanted was a nice fade.

All I wanted was a nice fade.

But when that bald, angry Italian man reaches for the clippers and sets them to number 1, do I say anything?

NO.

I JUST STAY SILENT AND FANTASIZE ABOUT MURDERING HIM INSTEAD

Then Bruno ruins my hair, he thinks it looks great. I lie to his face and tell him it looks great too, pay my ten dollars even though I don't want to then seethe with hatred all the way home and I still come back in three weeks so the cycle fucking continues.

Bruno learns nothing and I neither do I.

Shit haircuts only exist because dickheads like you and me keep paying for them.
And it's never gonna change.

Share, or don't.

- Lew

Also I'm doing a show in April at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, come see that if you like: Details here. *Click me*