The Truth About Australian Politics.

Welcome reader,

If you're foreign to Australia allow me to extend our traditional greeting to you:

FUCK OFF WE’RE FULL!
— Old Australian Proverb

If you're reading this article then you know Tony Abbott has been kicked out and want to learn everything there is to know about our wonderful political system so you can better understand the situation.


Well The Truth is, I have no fucking idea what's going on and neither does anyone else in this godforsaken country. Not even the fucking politicians

But, like everyone else in this godforsaken country I can take a shot in the dark with these three guesses:

Theory One:

Tony Abbott, inspired by the assassination of Julius Caesar wanted to enter the history books forever as the first Australian politician to be murdered by his fellow parliamentarians.
He fooled his colleagues into making him the leader of the Liberal Party then proceeded to act like the most obnoxious, homophobic and sexist lizard-man the world had ever seen.

Unfortunately for Tony, even though he inspired many fellow member of parliament with the thought of murder, Malcolm Turnbull remembered it was easier to just vote him out instead of making Julie Bishop fire lazers from her eyes into Abbott's tiny brain.

 TARGET ACQUIRED.

TARGET ACQUIRED.

 

Theory Two:

After getting voted out of the Labor Party and humiliated by Tony Abbott for it Julia Gillard, now with a lot of free time on her hands watched every single episode of "Breaking Bad" and created a new form of Red Meth, built up a crime empire and used the money to bribe every politician in the liberal party into voting Tony Abbott out for her own enjoyment.

 "I am the one who knocks"

"I am the one who knocks"

Theory Three:

There's acid int he water supply and we're all high.